Open Letter to George Lucas

Dear George Lucas,

Since I am subjected to your movies via both husband and children avenues, and since our satellite HBO seems to play little else, I would like to point out the following in the six movie saga you've pieced together over the past twenty years which I've had the opportunity to watch a total of at least a dozen times in the past month. I'm not sure why we keep watching them, except it's like a train wreck...

I don't know what you were smoking between the first three and the last three Star Wars movies, but dude, you really need to stop. I hope someone stages an intervention or something. The series is over, right? There are no more episodes left to make? Thank god!

The added scenes in episodes 1, 2, & 3 (which, I guess, are technically 4, 5, and 6... could you make this any more confusing, I wonder?) are just stupid. Please stop trying so hard. You will never, ever make up for the Ewoks' zippers showing on their furry little suits in Empire. Never. Get over it.

Jar Jar Binks is the single worst, most annoying character ever created in the history of movies. No, that isn't just my opinion, either. I never thought you could top Yoda. And yet... you did. Wow. Are you proud?

Speaking of casting. There couldn't have been a better choice than Harrison Ford as Han Solo - or a worse choice than that obnoxious, wooden little kid who played the young Anakin. What happened between episode 3 and 4? Er, I mean - 6 and 1? Did someone hit you really hard with a bad judgment stick or something? I mean, Ewan McGregor is a great actor. But he is NOT a young Ben Kenobi. Every single casting choice in the last - uh, first - episodes just sucked - except for the Emperor. He was perfect. I bet someone else besides you picked him, didn't they? Don't lie, George!

The coolest special effect in all six movies was the light saber. You should have stopped while you were ahead. And you totally sold out with the concept of "midiclorians." Admit it. You just totally sold out.

Did you watch Jurassic Park, George? Did you listen, did you learn? When it comes to all the new CGI special effects: "You were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn't stop to think if you should!"

And by the way, if you ever even THINK about writing another script for a movie, hire someone else to write your dialogue. You are to Quentin Tarantino writing dialogue as FloJo is to Louie Anderson running a sprint.

Our "free HBO" runs out this month - thank God! I will no longer be subject to the disaster that is the last - er, first - episodes of this highly overrated series. At least, unless someone digs out the DVDs. Let's see... where can I hide them? There is one thing I can thank you for, George. Thank you for marketing these as an easy-to-hide three pack!

Thank you, too, for making the first three (er... the last three... I mean... oh, hell: Star Wars, Empire & Jedi!) They were really cool at the time. Way to go. You should have definitely quit while you were ahead. I really do wish you well. I hope you live long and prosper - may the Force be with you, and all that. Just please... stay away from making any more films. Have you tried needlepoint? Something to do with your hands, to keep you busy? Please... try... something - anything - else!

Every Little Princess

Zoe and I spent the morning curled up after breakfast, snuggled under down comforters, watching A Little Princess. (It's rather cold in here, and we haven't braved turning on the heat yet...) Michael and "the boys" (Blake and Dmitri) went out to cut more wood. Testosterone and chainsaws. Estrogen and tearjerker movies. Go figure?

Frances Hodgson Burnett's Little Princess was one of my favorite books when I was young (along with The Secret Garden) and while I enjoyed the sugar-coated and rather unrealistic Shirley Temple version, it didn't much follow the actual story. When my friend Kyrai did a film discussion on a newer adaptation of A Little Princess for her women's group, I was thrilled to find such a well-done portrayal!

It's now on our "girl list," the things Zoe and I watch together while Daddy and the boys are off doing their thing, which include movies like Sarah Plain and Tall, Little Women, Flyaway Home, Anne of Green Gables, My Fair Lady, Pollyanna, The Parent Trap, Sound of Music and National Velvet. They're like chick-flix-in-training. It makes for a perfect fall weekend morning, me and my daughter on the bed with the doggies keeping our feet warm and a heartwarming, tearjerking movie on the television.

My favorite part of this particular movie comes when Miss Minchin confronts little Sara Crewe about "telling stories" to the other girls. This is after Sara's father has been reported dead in the war and she's lost everything and has been relegated to servant status and is living in the attic of the girls' school.

Miss Minchin: "It's time you learn that real life has nothing to do with your little fantasy games. It's a cruel , nasty world out there and it's our duty to make the best of it--not to indulge in ridiculous dreams, but to be productive and useful. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Sara: "Yes, ma'am."

Miss Minchin: "Good!"

Sara: "But I don't believe in it."

Miss Minchin: "Don't tell me you still fancy yourself a princess? Good God, child, look around you! Or better yet, look in a mirror."

Sara: "I am a princess. All girls are. Even if they live in tiny old attics, even if they dress in rags. Even if they're not pretty, or smart, or young. They're still princesses. All of us. Didn't your father ever tell you that? Didn't he?"

This morning, Zoe took her thumb out of her mouth (she still sucks her thumb at home, when she's sleepy or when she's watching TV) looked up at me and asked, "How come Miss Minchin's daddy didn't tell her that all girls are princesses?"

Why, indeed?

"I don't know, sweetie."

"Didn't her daddy like her?"

"I don't know."

"I wish she had a good daddy like mine."

I was wishing Michael could hear her. "Me, too."

"She'd feel better."

"I think so."

"Every girl should have a daddy who tells her she's a princess."

"Yes, they should."

See why I love these movies?

DVR: Diabolic Video Recorder

We don't have cable television out here. I was very disappointed when I found that out, knowing we wouldn't be able to get cable Internet. I miss my cable Internet. *sigh* However, we do get satellite. DishNetwork was offering a great deal, which included free HBO (Entourage! Woot!) and Cinemax for three months, plus 100 channels AND local ones. Didn't seem like a bad deal, with free installation, free equipment, and a DVR.

That last wasn't a big selling point to me, though. I didn't even know what a DVR was. The satellite guy told me when he put it in, "It's like a TiVo." Ohhhhh. Okay. Except I'd never used a TiVo, either. (I've also never seen a Blackberry... but I do own an Ipod! I'm catching up... sloooooowly...)

Still, I learned fast! Now I LOVE my DVR. I'll be snuggled in bed with Zoe watching some kid show on TV, and when she gets up doing the pee-pee dance, calling, "Pause it, Mommy! Pause it!" I don't have to say, "I can't pause TV, honey!" because guess what? I CAN! If Michael and I are in the middle of watching The Daily Show, and he says, "WHAT did he say?!" I can rewind it!

And not only that, I love being able to record anything and everything and watching it when I want. And fast forwarding through commercials!? Oh bliss! I could kiss the person who invented this technology!

Okay, so it's not the pacemaker or a cure for AIDS... but it's still pretty cool.

So what's on my DVR right now?

The Daily Show
This is one of my favorite shows. It's definitely the place I love to get "honest" news. I didn't say unbiased. I said honest.

Real Time with Bill Maher
More honest news, great commentary, and he's just funny.

Goosebumps
They're on all month because of Halloween, so I'm recording them all.

Mad About You
Remember that show? I still love it. Michael can't stand Helen Hunt, so I watch it by myself.

House
Can't miss this one. I adore House! Although I still find it strange to watch Hugh Laurie giving interviews and speaking with a British accent.

Bionic Woman
I set it to record them all... but I think we may cancel it. Michael was disappointed it wasn't a remake of the original. He's so not liking it. And I wasn't that invested in the first place.

The Outer Limits
I love the Sci-Fi channel!

Tales From the Darkside
Ditto on the Sci-Fi channel! Now if they would just get all the old Night Galleries I'd be in horror heaven!

Gremlins
Remember THIS movie? I recorded it so the kids could see it.

Lolita
The original.

Entourage
The last of Season 3 was just released, so I can't wait to actually start watching season 4! I love Ari... and Vincent? Oh. My. God. SO on my list!

Michael's been complaining lately that all I want to do is watch TV. *sigh* I guess it's just being enamored with a new toy.

"Can you turn that off?" he asked me the other day when he came home while I was folding laundry in the middle of an episode of Mad About You.

"No. But I can PAUSE it." I grinned.

He rolled his eyes. "What does DVR stand for, anyway?"

I shrugged. "I don't know... something... Something Video Recorder?"

"Yeah." He snorted. "Diabolic Video Recorder."

Okay, so the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?

I'm staying in denial for a while!

The Secret?

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard of The Secret...

Not that, you know, it really is a big secret or anything. The idea of The Law of Attraction has been around since... well, probably since before there were humans. I mean, that's kind of what those "Law" things are. They exist, apriori, and we discover and name them. Usually after the egoic scientists who discover them. Like Newton's Laws, or Boyle's Law or Occam's Razor (which is the only one I think is really cool, just because of the way it sounds.)

Now, granted, those are scientific laws/theories. The Secret, or The Law of Attraction, is more a new-age kind of philosophy than a "law" exactly. Although, on some level, I really do think it works.

The Law of Attraction basically says that you get what you think about--your thoughts determine your experience.

It's an interesting concept. Yes, I know it has no basis whatsoever in scientific thought. In spite of the supposed roots in quantum physics (i.e. thoughts have energy that attracts like energy) it's definitely not a quantifiable thing. But, since you already know I'm incredibly gullible, I fall into the "it can't hurt, and it might help" school of thought. So why not?

You're supposed to do four things:

1. Know what you want and ask for it. Meaning, ask God, or the "universe." However you qualify that thing that moves the world, that's greater than we are.

2. Be grateful for what you have, and be enthusiastic/grateful for what you want.

3. Imagine and act as if you already have what you want.

4. Be open to receiving what you want.

And the last part... don't think about what you DON'T have or DON'T want. Think about not having only perpetuates not having. Scarcity breeds scarcity. Prosperity breeds prosperity.

Does it work?

Well... anecdotally, yes. For example, when we wanted this house, I made this:

We put it on our computer backgrounds and we printed several copies and hung them all over. We began to "act as if." As if it was already our home. It felt like our home, it really did. And it quickly became our home.

Now, we're looking to sell our old house. In a really bad housing market. And we haven't done anything, so far, "secret-like," in order to try to manifest that. We've just listed it and hoped. It's been months, and I still feel like I'm holding my breath, and I realized... doh! Wrong attitude! That isn't gonna get the house sold...

So today, I made this:

I put it on my computer background, Michael put it on his (home and work) and I printed out several copies to hang around the house.

Now it's time to start acting "as if." So send some "SOLD!" house vibes our way, will ya? The more energy in that direction, the better...

Can't hurt, and it could help... right?

Field of Dreams: If You Build It...

We have three free months of HBO and Cinemax with our satellite TV package, so I'm stocking up on movie watching while I can. In the midst of all the "new" movies they play (which, of course, are only new the first time you watch them, and then decidedly not-so-new the next 300 times they run them during the month) are a bunch of old ones. Some old-old ones (like Marlene Dietrich old) and some just old-er ones.

Today, I watched Field of Dreams. Remember that one? Kevin Coster still couldn't act, even back then... Guy buys a farm, starts to hear voices, and plows under his corn field to build a baseball diamond, with floodlights and everything. You know: If you build it, they will come... and, of course, they do... and everyone lives happily ever after. Taa daa!

It was actually kind of fun to re-watch. I don't think I've seen it since it came out in 1989! Even if Kevin Costner is a horrible actor... (at least he wasn't trying to do a British accent, like in that awful 80's version of Robin Hood... *shudder*) Amy Madigan and James Earl Jones were awesome. And that guy that was in Thirtysomething plays a great villian. And the concept appeals... because, frankly, it's a pretty crazy thing to do, plowing under your cash crop to make a place for people to play some silly game. That someone could do something THAT nuts... and come out on top? I mean, what are the odds?

Most people spend their whole lives playing things pretty safe. When do we ever make decisions without a net? We go to school, we get good grades, we get good jobs, we plan for our retirement... that's the "good" life, isn't it? How often do we listen to that little voice? The one that tells us to take a major risk? To jump without a net?

What does it take for us to listen to that voice? If you build it, they will come... When it goes against every ounce of logic, when it puts your livelihood at risk, when it might make you look like a complete and total idiot... would you still listen to that voice?

Life isn't a movie, of course... we don't always get the happy ending. Sometimes we build it, and darnit, they just don't show up. They get stuck in traffic, or they just don't get the message. And we're stuck with no cash crop and an empty baseball diamond.

Take our moving here... it certainly wasn't the logical decision, considering the housing market. Our other house still hasn't sold, and it's only had a few showings. But we didn't wait for our house to sell... we followed that little voice. Move. Now. We found this place, and that's what we did...

I still don't know what's going to happen, of course. We could end up in foreclosure after all. It's a risk. But isn't everything? Isn't safety really the illusion? And sometimes...sometimes that voice really does know what it's talking about, when we listen to it.

So, maybe, sometimes: if we build it, they will come...

But there's no maybe about this: if we don't build it, they can never come...