Lucky Sneetches

Zoe was invited to a birthday party for this past weekend. A little girl in her class handed her an invitation in school. Dmitri, on the other hand, didn't get invited.

Which meant the breakout of WWIII at our house.

*sigh*

It's hard to explain to a five year old why they can't go to something as fun as a birthday party - especially when it's someone they know! And the snarkiness of the six year old didn't help matters.

The sing-song: "I get to go to a birthday party, par-tee, puh-uh-ar-tee!" for the two weeks prior was bad enough. But the day of the party - oh the tragedy.

Zoe was so excited you could practically see her vibrating. Dmitri pouted. "Who cares about some stupid girl birthday party?" Oh, the kindergartner doth protest too much...

So when they were gone - Daddy picked Zoe up, gift bought on the way home from work - Dmitri stood forlornly at the storm door, steaming up the glass and watching them drive away. He stood there a long time. I knew he was crying and didn't want me to see.

So I knelt down behind him and whispered, "Let's you and me go play a game. You pick."

We made labyrinths with Mazabel and watched Dr. Seuss' Sneetches and drank hot chocolate. I even dipped into and shared my super-secret stash of leftover Christmas candy. I thought he'd forgotten about the party. We were laughing and his tears had dried. This, I decided, was what mommies were really for.

"Is the Star-On machine real?" Dmitri asked suddenly, sucking on a Wethers and referring to the story of the Sneetches, the elite half of whom had stars on their bellies and the shunned half who didn't.

"No. It's a cartoon."

He considered this. "But those Sneetches are lucky now that they're all mixed up."

If you know your Dr. Seuss, you'll remember that the Sneetches had gone through the Star-On and Star-Off machine so many times, no one knew who was who anymore - who the original snobby star-bellied or the once-outcast plain-bellieds were.

"Because they're all the same now?" I asked.

"Yeah." He sighed. "And because they all get to go to each other's birthday parties."

So much for forgetting!

Time To Blog

I've been doing this whole Blog 365 insanity for two days and I'm already regretting it... And Michael wonders why I don't make New Year's resolutions?! Ha.

Every day for 365 days? What was I thinking?

I woke up this morning to the chaos of kids and husband getting ready to go back for the first day of school and work after the holiday with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I knew, of course, they were going back today. Their backpacks were ready, their snowsuits and boots by the door. But gloves, apparently, had been lost, unbeknownst to me, and Daddy was storming around grousing about the Bermuda Triangle that is our house. The kids were repeating over and over, "I don't know!" to Daddy's constant, "Where did you put them!?" question.

Our foot of snow is supposed to melt over the next few days. My guess is we will find them then, somewhere in the yard. For now, they wore mismatched gloves of the knit variety - the ones Michael hates and claims are useless. But at least they're better than nothing.

The house was quiet once the littles were gone and Michael had left for his second-to-last day of work before he starts the new job. The only company I have now during the day is Sophie the Cocker Spaniel since we found new forever-homes for the big dog and the two cats, because of my allergies (and I can already feel the difference.)

Michael has been talking more and more about moving up north, which would mean homeschooling again, most likely. I wouldn't mind. We spent all vacation working on our reading and our counting (backwards and by 2's and 5's especially, and adding things like peanut butter crackers and celery sticks) and they're moving forward by leaps and bounds.

I knew I was going to miss them when they went back to school, but the house seems eerily empty to me during the day today. Just me and Sophie, wandering around, looking for things to do. Somehow I just don't think families were ever meant to be split up like this. I'm feeling that particularly, today, looking out at the fat blanket of snow where my children should be playing.

Guess it means I'll have lots of time to blog.

School's Out

We had a snow day this week, and I forgot what it was like having the littles home full time. They had a half day today, and now they'll be home until after the New Year.

When I was going to Weight Watchers with a friend (a million years ago) there was a group of us who would go out to eat afterward. (Don't even start on the twisted logic there, alright?) One of the women said she couldn't wait until her son started first grade the following year, because he'd be in school all day, and what a relief that would be! Then she asked me when mine started preschool, and I replied, "Oh, we're homeschooling."

You would have thought I had five heads.

But now that they're in school, and we're getting used to that whole thing, I didn't realize how much I missed them until they were home again all day during a time they were usually in school. Granted, I get a lot more done with them gone. Dusting, laundry and dishes can be completed without interruption.

But still... I have to admit. I miss them.

Am I strange, that I miss the endless interruption, the "Mom, will you tie this cape around my neck? I'm Super Anteater man!" and the "Can you put this (impossibly small and made for dolls whose arms actually BEND) shirt on my Barbie?"

Do most Moms simply wait for the day that the state relieves them of their charges for half the day? Am I the only one who finds that rather strange? *sigh*

Anyway, I'm glad we've got the next week together. They're building a dragon fort right now and they have all of Dmitri's firetrucks lined up outside the fort to put out the dragon's fire. Barbie's manning the hose. Can't wait to see what they're going to do with all the new Santa toys. Should be an interesting week!

Dustbin Blues

The worst thing about having kids?

I can handle dirty diapers, crayons on the walls, broken keepsakes, peanut butter in the VCR, apple juice all over the keyboard...

But the thing I hate most... is germs.

I've been sick more since the beginning of September (when the kids, coincidentally, started school) than I was all of last year! That's a year's worth of illness packed into three months. What do I have to look forward to for the next seven, I wonder?

Right now, it's strep throat. Yay me. *sigh* A hundred and two degree fever, an all-over body ache and a throat that's on fire. Don't ya wanna be me? Just in time for the weekend, too. Perfect.

Yesterday, I was a cleaning maniac. Today, I'm Cameron in Ferris Bueller... "I'm dying...!"

"When Cameron was in Egypt's land... let our Cameron go..."

Michael made me tea (Constant Comment, my favorite) and toast and brought me aspirin. Looks like I'm going to spend the day in bed. Which, really, isn't necessarily a bad thing, when I think about it. Would be nice to catch up on sleep.

"You're not dying, you just can't think of anything better to do!"

Well, he's got a point. What do I have to do? Hm... so much for those Christmas decorations. Oh well, there's always next weekend.

Besides, I'm still recovering from the annual room cleaning fiasco. Four hours of cleaning, sorting, holding up tiny pieces of plastic and asking, "What's this to?... Do you have that toy anymore?... Isn't that the one you buried in the sand at the old house and then forgot where you buried it?"

What did I discover? Here's the top ten:

1. Six marbles to the chinese checkers game. Glued into the underside of Legos. I didn't, however, find the actual Krazy Glue. Yet.

2. Seven socks that I've been looking for forever tied in knots and made into a "rope" hanging from Zoe's dollhouse bedroom window (which faces the wall - no wonder I didn't see it!) Apparently, she did it during "fire safety week" at school.

3. A naked Fairytopia Barbie with two amputated feet (dog victim, I believe, from the markings) but Michael said, "She's still hot."

4. Zoe had the paper punch, two pairs of scissors, the stapler and four rolls of tape. It took me fifteen minutes to vaccum all of the "confetti" she'd made out of her school library book. I wonder how much I'm going to have to pay to replace, "Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends"?

5. Eight dollars and twenty-nine cents in change.

6. Four spoons, a very bent and deformed fork, and lots of peanut butter sandwich cracker wrappers.

7. The dog's leash (I wondered where that was!)

8. A line of McDonald's french fries along the baseboard behind the dresser leading up to a peach pit. It was like the perfect ant-highway!

9. A bottle of nail polish. Red. Thankfully, they couldn't get the top off.

10. Two pairs of tweezers, a slew of bandaids put on various stuffed animals, and last but not least, and empty contact case. I'm pretty sure they DID have contacts in them at one point.

Okay, I have a date with Ferris Bueller, a box of Kleenex, and a down comforter. G'nite!

Columbo's Indian Parts

Sometimes we have to gently correct the misguided or overly P.C. myths that public education still insists on teaching... and of course, our children's interpretations of them.

Dmitri climbed into bed with me this morning, all excited about their school's Thanksgiving Feast today and said, "My teacher says Columbo took a boat here so we'd all know the world is round."

"Well, sort of. His name was Christopher Columbus. And in 1492, the year he sailed to America, was the year the globe was first invented. We pretty much already knew the world was round."

(The first globe actually noted in history was the 1492 world globe made by the German map-maker Martin Behaim.)

"He discovered pilgrims."

"No, the pilgrims came over a different ship."

"Well, he discovered Indians."

"Yes, that's true." Sort of. I decided that we'd discuss ethnocentricity and the rape of the Native American people due to the forward domination of the Europeans later.

"There's another word for Indians and that's Native Americans."

Ahhh the P.C.ness of public schools. "That's right."

"Grandma says I'm part Indian."

"Yes, that's true." On his father's side. One of Michael's ancestors was a Native American princess of sorts.

"Which part?" he asked solemnly. "I think my toes are Indian. And this leg. Doesn't this leg look Indian to you?"

Vaccinate or Jail?

Parents in Maryland were threatened with jail time on Saturday if they didn't vaccinate their children. On the spot. That's right, nurses with needles were lined up and waiting... and so were police officers.

No, I'm not kidding.

I know I've already made my views on vaccinations pretty clear, but this just really goes too far. Last time I checked, personal freedom was a liberty we still enjoyed in America. Or... we're supposed to. Did someone invent time travel when I wasn't looking? Is this American 2007? Or Big Brother 1984? Perhaps Moscow 1930?

Apparently, immunization paperwork is more important to the police state of Maryland than the paper the Bill of Rights or the Constitution are printed on. Because that's what this is about. Paperwork. A bureacracy gone mad.

Maryland schools claim they've "sent notices" to parents, mostly of middle-schoolers who haven't received their hepatitis-B and chicken pox boosters (two of the most questionably mandated shots in the entire vaccine schedule, I might add) who haven't turned in their paperwork saying that 1) their child has been vaccinated or 2) they wish to waive the vaccination.

Come to find out that many of these parents had turned in their paperwork. Several times. The school, however, "misplaced" it. Oops. Sorry about that. Off to jail with you, school officials--do not pass go, do not collect $200. What? You're not sending them to jail for their paperwork error? Oh, but you're willing to threaten parents with jail time for not turning in paperwork they actually did turn in?

Filing that under "things that make you go hmmmmm..."

Oh, and get this. I love this. Many of these kids waited in line on Saturday to get a chicken pox booster so their parents wouldn't go to jail. Chicken pox--a vaccine that has such dubious effectiveness and value that the federal Immunization Advisory Committee could only rationalize making it mandatory in the first place by arguing that it would prevent parents from losing about a week's worth of time from work. In other words, it was an economic argument, not a medical one.

Now, the police state of Maryland is threatening to throw parents in jail for ten days because their children haven't received a vaccine mandated solely on the grounds that it would keep parents from missing work in the first place...

Filing that under "things that make you go 'DUH!'"...

It reminds me of the same logic vaccination proponents use when they argue that non-vaccinated children are putting other children and the public health at risk.

Um... hello!? If the vaccines WORK as well as the government says they do - then your vaccinated child is perfectly safe around my non-vaccinated one. Unless you went to the G.W. Bush backwards school of logic, that's the only conclusion you can come to.

And if you're going to accuse me of getting a free ride on the system, because a majority of people still vaccinate - I can tell you right now, I'm willing to live in an America that doesn't vaccinate. At all.

So call me a skeptic, call me a crunchy, granola fruitcake because I follow not only the hard evidence and research, but my intuition. Go ahead. But I do have a sixth sense about this issue. I don't see dead people... I see dumb sheeple.

Interview with a Vampire

Okay, so I'm not a vampire... but if people bled chocolate... I'd consider it! ;)

Here are my interview questions, kindly sent over by Amy from Musings of a Crunchy Domestic Goddess... thanks, Amy!

Q: As a mom to four kids, you've gained oodles of hands-on experience and wisdom over the years. If you could share any parenting advice with an eager mom-to-be, what would it be?

A: Alrighty, here's my top 10:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff - and most of it really IS small stuff.

2. When they make a mess, instead of freaking out -- grab the camera.

3. Take lots and lots and lots of pictures. Don't forget to hand the camera to someone else so you can be in the shots, too.

4. Newborns cannot be spoiled. You cannot hold them enough. And if you think you're a human pacifier - you are - and that's okay. You won't be forever, and trust me, you're going to look back some day and miss it.

5. Your husband, the man you love and wanted to spend the rest of your life with, is presumably and barring any tragedies, going to be with you forever, while your children will, eventually, grow up and go off to live their own lives. Don't forget about, underestimate, or neglect him in the midst of raising your children.

6. A clean house is less important than a toddler's need to explore their world.

7. Food is not a battleground. Children will eat when they are hungry, and should never be forced.

8. Teenagers tell you about 1/4 of what's really going on for them. Pay close attention when they do talk to you, and remember to times their information by four. Don't panic, they're more able to handle themselves than you think. But they still need you, your advice, your comfort, your care, and your attention.

9. You are not your child's friend, you're their parent. You don't need to be liked, but you do need to maintain a level of respect - on both sides.

10. Admit your mistakes and apologize to your children when you're wrong.

Q: What little known fact about you might surprise some of your readers?

A: Readers?? Bwahahahaha! ;) I think most of the people who read this little blog probably know most of my secrets... which aren't so secret.

How about this one: I spent the night in jail once. For driving on a suspended license. That I didn't know was suspended. It was four in the morning, and I was on my way to a birth. So I have a mugshot and the cops have my fingerprints, and I even got to pee in the toilet in the middle of the room (because I always drink two Diet cokes before leaving for a birth to wake me up, and if I didn't use the toilet, I was gonna pee my pants!) Why was my license suspended? Because I got a ticket in a residential area for doing five over the speed limit. Which didn't get paid. Why? My husband "forgot." He also "forgot" to tell me they sent a notice suspending my license because he "forgot" to pay my speeding ticket. :x The good news is, he bailed me out, and I did make it to the birth.

Q: Now that you've lived in the country for a while, can you ever see yourself moving back to the city?

A: Well, we never really lived "in the city" per se... although close. It was suburbia. I don't think I could live in a real city (New York, L.A.) and now that I'm used to the quiet... and the bugs... *shudder* I wouldn't trade it. So I guess the answer is I could... but I wouldn't want to. ;)

Q: Tell us about your experience as a doula. How long have you been doing it? What do you enjoy about it?

A: I've been a doula since just before my third baby was born... since the year 2000. My first two children were born in hospitals, the first with an OB, the second with a nurse-midwife, and although I was interested in the idea of home birth at the time, I didn't have the resources, connections, or the support to carry that out. When I got remarried and we decided to have children, I revisited the idea of home birth with my new husband--who was completely supportive. So we had our third and fourth baby at home, I got involved extensively with the local birth community, learned about doulas, and went through the training to become certified.

Having the privilege and honor of witnessing a new life entering the world is always a gift, but being there for women, with women, watching their power and grace and ability during labor, is even more powerful for me. Giving women choices and options they didn't know they had thrills me. I don't judge anyone who gives birth they way they would choose... I wouldn't wish a home birth on every person. Women are different, and it isn't right for everyone. But I would wish an educated birth on every woman.

As a psychologist, I've dealt with too many women who've experienced trauma during childbirth who now have serious regrets about the way things happened. Too often, I hear, "If I'd only known then what I know now..." I've been there myself. As a doula, what I really want is to give women that information now, so they don't have regrets later. That, I think, is my true gift to give.

Q: Let's say you are going to be stranded with your family on a deserted island for 90 days. What 3 things would you take with you and why?

A: 90 days!? Are you kidding me? I'd take a GPS unit, a fully charged cell phone, and a boat! :P

Now it's your turn. If you want to be interviewed, leave me a comment including the words "Interview me." I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions. If you don't have a valid email address on your blog, please provide one.

Vaccinations: Where Do You Put Your Faith?

There was an article today in Yahoo news about parents who are claiming religious exemptions to vaccination, when in actuality their religion doesn't prohibit vaccination. The implication is, of course, that these parents are doing something wrong. The article seems to say that these parents are putting not only their own children at risk, but other children as well.

I don't immunize my children. It isn't because I'm a lazy or neglectful parent. In fact, the opposite is true. I've done extensive research on the subject and have come to the personal conclusion that the possible risks (known and unknown) of the vaccines themselves are worse than the diseases they are trying to prevent.

Measles, mumps, diptheria, whooping cough--they're all diseases that rarely cause fatalities, and usually only in the immunodepressed, the extremely young (newborns, for example... who can't get vaccinated for these things) or the very old. Polio, which is the big, scary one, only causes paralysis in a very, very, very small percentage of cases. And in those cases, most people who do get the paralytic version of polio actually fully recover.

Maybe it's my Aquarian nature, but I'm not the type of person who is going to follow along with the rest of the sheep just because the government says so. I do believe vaccination programs were begun with the best of intentions--but we all know that good intentions don't always lead where we think they will.

I think the vaccination program is, like any bureaucratically run organization, bloated, outdated, and in need of a major overhaul or an outright burial. There have been many studies done that prove vaccines aren't as effective as the government would like you to believe.

From personal experience, I can tell you that I was vaccinated for rubella (which is a disease that can cause harm to a fetus if contracted by the mother) after having my first child because according to the titers, I wasn't immune. Three years later, I had my second child. According to the titers, I STILL wasn't immune to rubella. So I got another shot. Seven years later, I had my third child. Guess what? Still wasn't immune. I've had a total of four rubella shots in 10 years, and the levels still show that I'm not immune the disease.

The truth is, vaccination itself has become a huge money maker, for doctors as well as for individual states. Doctors actually get bonuses if their vaccination rates remain above a certain level. The federal government gives out tons of money to the states to offer "free" vaccinations to families. And I'm not supposed to be suspicious of this huge pharmaceutical money machine? Hmm... I don't think so.

For me, the most basic human right is personal freedom. I'm not against vaccinations themselves. If you want to vaccinate your child against the evil chicken pox - go right ahead. I will support your right to do so. But I should be supported in my decision not to vaccinate as well. Everyone should have a right to make their own health care choices, whether they go against what Mr. Bureaucrat says we should do or not.

Fortunately, I live in Michigan, where my right to choose for myself and my children is actually supported. Unfortunately, Michigan is one of only seventeen states in the union that will allow that sort of exemption. In the rest of the country, as the Yahoo article points out, parents are forced to lie and claim vaccination is against their religion.

The article says:

"Do I think that religious exemptions have become the default? Absolutely," said Dr. Paul Offit, head of infectious diseases at Children's Hospital in Philadelphia and one of the harshest critics of the anti-vaccine movement. He said the resistance to vaccines is "an irrational, fear-based decision."

One of the harshest critics of the anti-vaccine movement is the head of infectious disease? Oh what a surprise. How much is this doc accepting in "bonuses" to keep the immunization rate high, I wonder? As for the decision not to vaccinate being irrational and fear based? I'd like to ask Dr. Offit if he'd like a mirror. Because his response is the most irrational and fear-based one I've ever heard. It goes against the evidence, and frankly, I think the doc's a little afraid of getting thrown off the vaccination money train.

(And don't get me started on Dr. Offit. He's one of the holders of the rotavirus patent. The one that was originally pulled off the market? Yeah that one. According to the Wall Street Journal, he gets paid to teach other doctors about the "safety" of vaccines. And he owns stock in Merck, who manufactures the rotavirus vaccine now on the market--but he's on the CDC advisory board. Holy conflict of interests, Batman! Oh, and that particularly vaccine costs 5x as much as most vaccines.)

Let's look at the "facts" Dr. Offit and his cronies seem to want to believe. If vaccinations are as effective as the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services cite, then what is Dr. Offit afraid of, exactly? The CDC claims (depending on the vaccination) a 97-100% success rate.

Then why does the doctor from the Yahoo article say:

"When you choose not to get a vaccine, you're not just making a choice for yourself, you're making a choice for the person sitting next to you," said Dr. Lance Rodewald, director of the CDC's Immunization Services Division.

If vaccines were anywhere near the 100% effectiveness they claim, there should be no worries about those who have already been vaccinated. They're protected for life -- right?

The truth that Dr. Offit and other vaccination proponents don't want you to know is that contracting these childhood diseases - measles, mumps, rubella, whooping cough - during childhood actually gives someone lifetime immunity to that disease.

Most of these involve a few days to a week of illness and are milder for children than for adults. In fact, immunizations often just prolong the contraction of these diseases, and when someone's supposed "lifetime" immunity from a vaccination runs out and they get the mumps, for example, an adult man could end up sterile.

So since vaccinations provide limited duration immunity, may contain potentially dangerous and toxic chemicals, and often only prolong getting the disease it's supposed to prevent, it seems to me the only rational decision available to a parent would be to waive immunizations.

If it comes down to lying and saying it's a "faith-based" decision, or putting my faith in Dr. Offit and the Vaccinations=Money Squad...

I'm all for lying.