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Friday, October 5, 2007

Migraine Train

I've got a migraine coming on. It's both the change in the weather (it's an unseasonable 86 degrees today. Quite funny, with all the leaves turning and the kids going to their cider mill field trip today!) and "time of the month." I can count on twice a month migraines now, at least. Sometimes more.

Before I started getting migraines, I admit, I was very unsympathetic to people who did. I mean... it's a headache. How bad can it be? You take some aspirin, maybe lay down for an hour. Don't be such a baby!

Ha. Karma wheel turns, see? It seems I'm now paying for my rather callous an uncompassionate view. Migraines don't just hurt. Migraines are evil incarnate running lose in your head. Imagine a giant pulling open your skull and squeezing your brain out of all its juices once every two minutes or so. For two days. Now times that by ten.

Yeah, I know, I'm such a baby.

I felt it coming on this morning. Michael and I were up too late, then Zoe got a bloody nose in the middle of the night (that's been happening out of nowhere lately) which meant more interrupted sleep, and I woke up feeling dizzy, head fuzzy, covered in sweat (we had the windows open then, but thankfully we didn't take the window air conditioner out of our room--it's on full blast now and I'm chilling, literally, in front of it!) and I just knew. Migraine's coming.

I get that Johnny Cash song in my head whenever I know it's on the way. Michael listens to him all the time, so I actually get Johnny Cash ear worms stuck in my head quite regularly. But one of his most famous songs, Folsum Prison Blues, is just so catchy, and fits nicely into my head just before the brain-squeezing giant arrives:

"Migraine a train's a comin

It's coming 'round the bend

I ain't gonna see the sunshine

Til I don't know when...

I'm stuck in Migraine Prison

And time keeps draggin' on..."

The thing about it is, I won't know if the medicine is going to work for a while. Migraines also come with nausea and sensitivity to light, so I'm often on my knees in front of the toilet bowl hoping I don't puke while digging through my purse, looking for my Great God Imitrex Fix. Once I've washed it down, then it's just a matter of waiting. Is that light at the end of the tunnel... or is it a train?

I hate it when it happens on visitation weekends, too. Poor Blake. He gets a drugged out, blind-with-pain mom to visit. How fun!? That's just what I was thinking this morning. I don't need this! Right. Like I ever need it? There's lots I'd rather be doing.

In fact, here are ten things I'd rather be doing instead of having a migraine today. Wish me luck.

  1. I'd rather do childbirth again. All four times.

  2. I'd rather clean the bathtub. With my tongue.

  3. I'd rather have kidney stones. (Yes, I have had them, I do know how much they hurt.)

  4. I'd rather have gall stones. (Yes, I've had those, too.)

  5. I'd rather watch back to back three-day marathons of Family Matters and Full House.

  6. I'd rather be on Fear Factor eating bull's testicles.

  7. I'd rather be locked in a room with Anne Coulter and Bill O'Reilly.

  8. I'd rather have sex with Newt Gingrich. (Wait... maybe not... well... it would be over quick, right?)

  9. I'd rather have Gilbert Gottfried's voice in my head all day.

  10. I'd rather read both K-Fed and Britney's biographies. Twice.

See! I told you they were bad.

1 comment:

Amy said...

I get migraines too. They are awful. Mine often come from a lack of sleep or high stress or sometimes even hormones, though often I can't figure out any reason for them.

It's hard to explain the pain of a migraine to someone who doesn't get them. I remember telling R that if he took an ax and chopped my head open that would probably give me some relief. "Blind with pain" is not a misnomer. They are evil. They are awful. You're not a baby.