Climbing the Walls

Not me.

The kids.

Literally.

 

 

Shrinking?

So Dmitri is getting a "jammie shirt" on... one of those really big kids shirts he inherited that we use as pajamas, along with a pull-up. He notices it doesn't even come to his knees anymore.

"Mom, how do shirts get smaller?"

"...um... they don't. You get bigger."

"Oh!"

Your WHAT?

Zoe: "Mom, where's my diarrhea?"
Mom: "Your WHAT?"
Zoe: "My diarrhea! It was right here on the table!"
Mom: "Um... what do you think a diarrhea is?"
Zoe: "A book you write in that no one can look in!"
Mom: "Oh, you mean a DIARY!"

Wordless Wednesday: SharkBunny

Note the fuzzy feet. And the tiger paw.

My son's creation. :)




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Wordless Wednesday: March 26, 2008

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Super Remote!

It's a bird...

It's a plane...

No...

It's Super Remote!

It just told me - right on my TV screen:

"Remote Battery Is Low."

Niiiiiiiiice!

What will they think of next!?

One of These Things Is Not Like The Other...

The littles have found all the "workbooks" mixed in with the coloring books and have spontaneously started working on completing them. They're interested in numbers and letters now, so the workbooks have come onto their radar.

The other day, Dmitri was doing a "matching" game in one of them. On one side of the page, there was a picture of a bucket - the kind with the handle a little kid takes to the beach. On the other side were two pictures: an inflatable swim ring and a chicken.

"Bucket..." Dmitri said thoughtfully, frowning. "Goes with..."

I glanced over and saw the pictures he was considering: inflatable swim ring or chicken?

"Bucket goes with chicken!" He smiled proudly as he circled the hen.

I couldn't help but laugh.

I think we need to stop eating out at KFC. :D

Eerie Eddie Makes Mischief

Do you all remember Eerie Eddie?

Zoe loves this doll. She doesn't know how strange he really is. In her arms, he doesn't look so bad... does he? Well, not quite so bad.

But Eddie's got a mischevious streak!

And he has a tendency to teach the kids very bad habits.

And you can't leave him alone for five minutes!

He always manages to find trouble!

Wordless Wednesday: January 9, 2007

Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. Gabriel 2. Kateastrophe 3. Kateastrophe 4. Shelia

5. Shelia 6. Natalie 7. Mariposa 8. http://chaosensues.blogspot.com/

9. Diana 10. marcia v

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Brain Freeze?

We were practicing sight words this morning, and Dmitri was flying through them. We got about halfway through when he put both hands on top of his head.

"What are you doing?"

"When I read, my head gets buzzy."

"Buzzy?"

"I mean busy."

"Oh, busy!"

"I mean dizzy!"

*Snerk*

Thursday Thirteen #15: 13 Unusual New Years Resolutions

13 Unusual New Years Resolutions

1. Spend more time with other people's friends and families.

2. Give up assassinating fascist dictators for money.


3. Volunteer at a date-an-inmate fundraiser.


4. Give up playing "Tickle The Wild Polar Bear."


5. Learn how to fly airplanes into tall buildings.


6. Quit licking frogs at pet stores to see which ones are hallucinogenic before I buy them as kids' pets.


7. Cut up other people's credit cards.


8. Make time to stop and smell the armpits.


9. Stop going to random funerals just to get the collectible cards.


10. Have mercy on Peeps and stop exploding them in the microwave for stress relief.


11. Smoke only when on fire.


12. Get a gym membership for my gerbil.


13. Lose every other pound.


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Thursday Thirteen Participants

1. Nicholas 2. SandyCarlson 3. ellen b 4. sobeit 5. On a Limb with Claudia 6. susiej

7. Susan Helene Gottfried 8. Moondancer Drake 9. pussreboots 10. Mom in Training 11. Grace 12. Natalie

13. Alice 14. maryt 15. Michelle (Un-Mainstream Mom) 16. Harris Channing

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Wordless Wednesday: December 26, 2007

Nerdy Bakers presents...

Gingerbread CPU

(What, you don't recognize a motherboard when you see one? :)

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Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. http://gabis-world.blogspot.com/2007/12/wordless-wednesday-1st-birthday-cake.html 2. Natalie 3. Gabriel 4. SandyCarlson 5. http://www.thisfullhouse.com/this_full_house/2007/12/wordless-wedn-3.html

6. Villager 7. patois 8. jennifer 9. SusieJ Skipped Church 10. patois

11. marcia v 12. CatSynth 13. Forgetfulone

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Visions of Sugarplums?

Twisted but amusing. Love the "stockings". :o

(Click the picture to see the artist's site.)

Wordless Wednesday: December 19. 2007

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Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. Calamity 2. Drowning Me Slowly

3. liza 4. Megansgot47

5. RecycleCindy

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Wordless Wednesday: December 12, 2007

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Wordless Wednesday Participants

1. Carmi - Written Inc.

2. Carmi - Written Inc.

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Wordless Wednesday: December 5, 2007

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Columbo's Indian Parts

Sometimes we have to gently correct the misguided or overly P.C. myths that public education still insists on teaching... and of course, our children's interpretations of them.

Dmitri climbed into bed with me this morning, all excited about their school's Thanksgiving Feast today and said, "My teacher says Columbo took a boat here so we'd all know the world is round."

"Well, sort of. His name was Christopher Columbus. And in 1492, the year he sailed to America, was the year the globe was first invented. We pretty much already knew the world was round."

(The first globe actually noted in history was the 1492 world globe made by the German map-maker Martin Behaim.)

"He discovered pilgrims."

"No, the pilgrims came over a different ship."

"Well, he discovered Indians."

"Yes, that's true." Sort of. I decided that we'd discuss ethnocentricity and the rape of the Native American people due to the forward domination of the Europeans later.

"There's another word for Indians and that's Native Americans."

Ahhh the P.C.ness of public schools. "That's right."

"Grandma says I'm part Indian."

"Yes, that's true." On his father's side. One of Michael's ancestors was a Native American princess of sorts.

"Which part?" he asked solemnly. "I think my toes are Indian. And this leg. Doesn't this leg look Indian to you?"

Learning Curve

I'm still trying to reserve judgment about sending the littles to public school.

They're definitely learning a lot.

"Mom, what does 'o-p-e-n' spell?"

"Open."

"What does 'n-e-p-o' spell?"

I raised my eyebrows in Michael's direction and smiled. He's famous for saying things backwards, just for fun. Apparently, it's genetic.

"Nepo."

Dmitri laughed. "That's not a word."

"That's true. It's 'open' spelled backwards."

"What does g-o-r-m-e-t spell?"

(this one was rather impressive - the letters were cursive!)


"Um, it's supposed to spell gourmet...but they spelled it wrong."

Michael interjected, "No, they didn't."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I know how to spell gourmet."

"You haven't heard of the Gormet olive? It's a special kind of olive from Sicely."

"Are you pulling my leg again?" I blinked at him. He loves doing that. "Is this like the time you told me that Art Garfunkle does art?"

"He does! Look it up on the Internet!"

"Can I look up 'Gormet Olives' too?"

"No one's stopping you."

"Mom, what does 'b-a-b-y' spell?"

"Baby."

"Are you and dad going to make another baby?"

"We could."

"Can I watch?"

"Um... no."

"How come?"

"It's kind of like Santa Claus. You know how he can't come until after you're asleep?"

Michael grinned, squeezed my knee and whispered: "And neither can Daddy."

"Mom, what does 'd-r-u-g-s' spell?"

"Drugs."

"Drugs! Those are bad for you!"

"They sell the good kind. The ones that help people get better."

"Oh. Okay."

Yep, they're sure learning a lot...

Cheating

I’m cheating on my husband.

Sleeping with Michael is like sleeping next to a space heater. I don’t have to wear anything at all (and usually don’t) because he keeps me nice and toasty warm. But he gets up for work much earlier than I have to get out of bed, and he leaves me shivering without him. The minute he leaves the room, however, another man slips into his bed and takes his place. I haven’t told him about it, because I feel so guilty snuggling up to this stud every morning. But I can’t help it… his warmth and softness are just too tempting.

I mean, could you resist?

The Scissors or the Chainsaw?

We need a lawn tractor. Not a lawn mower. We have one of those. (We actually have two.) We've got a lot more grass to mow now, and it would take someone with a push mower three days to do it all. The problem is, lawn tractors are expensive. Some of them are priced in the ballpark of buying a small car.

So when I saw a "Huge Estate Sale: Lost Farm to Foreclosure, EVERYTHING Must Go! Great Prices, LOTS of Stuff!" post go up on our cheapcycle list, I suggested to Michael that we take a drive out there. They were also advertising vaccum cleaners, and I needed a new one of those, too. (Yes, the $1400 vaccum died. I don't want to talk about it. And the $15 cheapcycle vaccum Michael bought for me 2 weeks ago just bit the dust, too...)

Mapquest said it was twenty miles. Which, out here, isn't too bad. We all piled in the car and turned on Harry Potter and the Deadly Hallows. It was about a half an hour drive or so. (Mapquest actually said it would be an hour, but you have to take speed limits into account. They do... we don't. No one actually does whatever the "speed limit" is on any of these country dirt roads.)

Unfortunately, the sale was grossly misrepresented. Nothing was labeled with prices, there were things out that weren't even for sale (as Zoe discovered when she wanted one of those huge life-size Barbies, but the woman said she was keeping it because it used to be her granddaughter's. Well why is it OUT then? Would you like to explain that to my crying six year old? ARGH!)

So I found a suitable replacement for Barbie (a Christmas rabbit that played music) while Dmitrios found a pair of sunglasses and a thing of silly putty. An hour out of our day and $2 later, we were headed back home again, because their lawn tractor was way too small and overpriced and their vaccums were those canister kinds my grandmother used to use. *sigh*

I had to pee since we left the garage sale, but I didn't want to ask to use their bathroom. No biggie, I figured I could hold it. We even stopped for ice cream on the way home, because I promised the littles we'd make apple crisp with the apples they picked at the apple orchard on Friday. I did ask to use their bathroom, but it was one of those "employees only" deals.

Apparently, though, we activated Murphy's Law of Ice Cream and we got a flat tire on the way home. Michael called AAA while we waited, panting, in the car. (Eighty six degrees today in the middle of October. Noooo there's no such thing as global warming...)

I still had to pee. And AAA said it would be forty minutes until a truck arrived. Great. We were on a dirt road (of course) with a house on one corner and a corn field on the other. Should I go ask to use the bathroom at a stranger's house? Or just suck it up and trudge out into the field? Or could I actually hold it?

I tried. I really did. I waited and sweated. Sweated and waited. How there was anything accumulated in my bladder at all was beyond me, considering how much moisture I was losing through my skin. Both kids were hot and cranky. But Michael didn't want to leave the car on and the air running because we were a little low on gas.

Finally, I crossed that line. Point of no return. It was either find a place to go or pee my pants. So, I opted for the field--mostly because it looked like no one was home at the house. And there was a big dog in the yard. Of course, the minute I said I was going to pee, both kids said THEY had to pee. Which meant all three of us had to push our way through the cat tails and cornstalks until we couldn't see the road anymore and (hopefully) no one from the road could see us.

I helped Zoe first, which led to ruminations on the difference between boys and girls and the lack of the female's ideal equipment in the "picnic bathrooming" department because Zoe managed to soak her underwear. Thankfully, she was wearing a skirt, so I just had her take them off. Dmitri, though, was wearing the belt-from-hell. I seriously could NOT get the thing off. Finally I just tugged his pants down inch by inch over his hips (while he's going, "Ow! Ow! Ow!") rather than try to get it off. Of course, I then discovered that, while getting them off that way was painful but possible, putting them back ON without undoing the belt was quite impossible. So that meant another ten minutes of struggling with the belt. And all of sudden, I'm getting freaked out, thinking about Children of the Corn and wondering if snakes live in cornfields?

And all this time, I still have to pee. That's when I heard the AAA guy pull up. Then, there was no way I could pee with some stranger standing a few feet away, cornstalks or no, so we quickly emerged. I never did get Dmitri's belt undone. I had Zoe's wet panties in one hand and Dmitri's pants in the other, and I was leading my five year old son wearing a pair of Scooby Doo underwear and my six year old daughter twirling around showing she wasn't wearing any underwear at all...

Michael finally cut off the stupid belt with his knife (I've never seen a worse design--he couldn't get it off either!) and I got Dmitri's pants back on. Which wasn't easy, because he was following the tow truck guy around in his underwear asking him all sorts of questions. Finally, we got the donut tire on, everyone back into the blessed air conditioned car, and drove the ironically short five minutes home. Of course, the ice cream was completely melted and unsaveable by then. And a great big mess under the seat, because I totally forgot about it until we got home. I guess I'd been concentrating on my full bladder.

Our morning was pretty much shot, now, considering it was almost one in the afternoon. I knew Michael wanted to use his new chainsaw to cut down dead trees for firewood this winter. (Why anyone would want to use a chainsaw in eighty-five degree weather is beyond me, but I don't have a Tim Allen gene that gets excited about things like chainsaws and fires...) The kids wanted to go to the neighbor's (they were getting ready for a big bonfire party) and so I was left to clean up the ice cream mess.

When that was done--sweaty, tired, I STILL had to pee--I went into the bathroom. Where I found a pair of scissors on the counter. And suspicious hairs all over the sink. I called for Zoe, but didn't get an answer.

As I was (oh thank the lord finally!!) peeing, Dmitri came into the bathroom (don't you love how kids never knock?) asking me to help him get his silly putty out of his pocket. I'm thinking the little egg got stuck in there, because his pants are too tight... but no. He's put the little wad of silly putty directly into his pocket. And it's now glued together.

Off come the pants again. I asked him if he knew why the scissors were on the bathroom counter.

"Zoe had them."

Okay. This could be true. This could also be the "blame the sibling" tactic.

"Do you know why?"

"She cut her hair."

This was, of course, what I'd suspected, considering the hair in the sink. I sighed, telling him to go put on a new pair of pants.

"Do you want me to tell her to come home?" Dmitri sounded hopeful. I just shook my head. "No." Honestly, I just didn't want to know how bad it was. Not yet. "Where's your dad?"

Michael had just come in from the back carrying his chainsaw, and I put the scissors on the counter and my hands on my hips. "Guess what your daughter did with these?"

"Cut down a tree?"

"No, she cut her own hair."

"Well... at least she didn't use a chainsaw."

*sigh*

Thank God for small favors?