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Saturday, December 8, 2007

Man Vs Mild

Anybody out there watch this show?

Michael's hooked on it. Well, as much as he can get hooked on anything that involves the television. This guy, with the unlikely name of Bear Grylls, formerly in the British Special Air Services, gets airlifted into the wild with very few tools - let's say, a flint and a water bottle - and he's filmed "surviving" in these inhospitable environments with no outside assistance.


He's been all over, from the Florida Everglades to Iceland to the Ecuadorean jungle. He does a dramatic voiceover on every show about how to find water, make fire, and acquire food under all sorts of conditions.

Guys love him because he's like the McGyver of the Wild. Women everywhere apparently go crazy for this guy - they think he's all sorts of sexy, with that British accent and all those "he could rescue me" vibes.

Frankly, I wouldn't put my mouth anywhere near the man.

Just tonight, he was out in the arctic (or somewhere, anyway, with lots of ice and snow - I was trying not to pay a lot of attention) and he exclaimed: "This is such an inhospitable environment, nothing grows or lives here, so there's really nothing you can find to eat."
I cheered his impending starvation. "Thank GOD!"

I've been subjected to this man eating everything from spiders to beetles to raw goat testicles. I've had to see him drink out of "fresh" water pools with loads (literally) of animal dung in it ("Tastes like drinking out of a loo bowl," he says, and then leans in for more!) He's smeared himself with animal feces while laying animal traps and has pissed a circle around his "kill." (And proudly informed the ladies that it only works for men - we don't have enough testosterone in our urine, apparently. Dude, if I was in a situation where I had to pee in a circle around my food, it'd be time for me to go meet my maker, k?)

Of course, then he found the ONE insect that lives there. (How long did they scout for THAT sucker, I wonder?) Thankfully, it's so rare it's a protected species, and he decided to spare its life and not eat it. So I didn't have to watch legs wriggling around outside his lips and hear his description of how "squishy and awful" it tasted.

Bored with the television, I decided to surf the 'net and came across this article. Apparently, Mr. Macho Survival Guy spent a few nights in a motel instead of out on the tundra where he led viewers believe he was shivering in his tent all night. Oh reallllly!? *perk* Mr. "I've endured snow and ice, wind and sun"... Uh huh. After a warm night in bed and a bit of the telly, eh?

And men say we women like to watch dramas? Ha!

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