Favorite PBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT!

Nothing will make me ill this time of year more than watching Oprah's Favorite Things.

I missed it this year. Oh darn. Not!

But yesterday, I had a headache and was too tired to find the remote to change the channel when Oprah came on. And guess what? Of course. It was an "encore presentation" of the Favorite Things show.

Just great.

I hate that she's completely perverted one of the songs I always sang to my babies when they were little.

My Favorite Things: Raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens...

So much for sentiment.

Now it's all about the stuff. Camcorders and watches and a bunch of other crap no one ever needed in the first place. A three thousand dollar refrigerator with a TV/DVD on the front? Really? We need this? A $7 cupcake? What?!

Here's a list of Oprah's Favorites this year:

SAMSUNG PROGRESSIVE HD CAMCORDER SC-HMX10C - $799.99
UGG® AUSTRALIA CLASSIC CROCHET TALL BOOT - $120
TOYWATCH WATCHES - $150
PERFECT ENDINGS CUPCAKES FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA - $59 (set of 9)
MELAMINE BOWLS, MEASURING CUPS AND SPOONS FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA - Bowls $32 (set of 3); Measuring Cups and Spoons Set $18 (cups $14, spoons $8)
THE ARTISAN® STAND MIXER FROM KITCHENAID HOME APPLIANCES - $349.99
THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL'S PLANET EARTH DVD SET - $59.95
KAI BODY BUTTER and BODY BUFFER - Body Buffer $28; Body Butter $55
CLARISONIC SKIN CARE SYSTEM - $195/system
CLAUS PORTO SOAPS FROM LAFCO NEW YORK - $42 (set of 3)
THE PILLARS OF THE EARTH BY KEN FOLLETT - $24.95 (autographed)
BREVILLE IKON PANINI PRESS FROM WILLIAMS-SONOMA - $99.95
HDTV REFRIGERATOR WITH WEATHER AND INFO CENTER FROM LG ELECTRONICS - $3,799
CIAO BELLA BLOOD ORANGE SORBETTO - $4.99/pint at select grocery stores
RACHEL PALLY SWING TURTLENECK AND SAILOR PANTS - Swing Turtleneck $141; Sailor Pants $194
SCRABBLE PREMIER EDITION FROM HASBRO - $70
UNITED ARTISTS 90TH ANNIVERSARY PRESTIGE COLLECTION - $869.98
SHAKLEE GET CLEAN™ STARTER KIT - $89.60
O'S GUIDE TO LIFE - $29.95
JOSH GROBAN'S NOEL CD - $19.99

TOTAL: $7274.34

That's PER audience member, of course. How many people in the audience? Oh I don't know... let's go low and say two hundred people. That's a total of 1,454,800.00 worth of STUFF. Correct. Almost 1.5 MILLION DOLLARS worth of stuff. And remember - that's a low estimate.

Of course, Harpo is getting a tax write-off for giving it away. And much of it is probably donated in the first place, because to get on Orpah's "Favorite Things" list is practically a guarantee of a huge sales increase after the show airs. Yep, it's true. People line up in malls across the country to buy overpriced gizmos that no one really needs based on the opinion of one overpaid guru talk show host.

And now there are shows everywhere playing follow the leader and doing what Oprah does. Ellen, for example, is doing the 12 Days of Giveaways - giving away, of course, her favorite things.

What really drives me batty is the audience reaction to these giveaways. People act like they're being given a new lease on life, like god Oprah's just granted them immortality or they just got a midnight call from the governor on death row. Women actually get on their knees and pray - over what, again? Body butter and digital camcorders?

Those are some seriously messed up priorities right there.

Not to go all Grinch or anything... well, okay, maybe just a little.

We just watched How the Grinch Stole Christmas last night. The Grinch steals all the Who's STUFF, and yet Christmas still comes, doesn't it? They still gather in a circle and sing and count their blessings. And the Grinch... his heart grew three sizes that day.

Maybe we all could use a little more inner-Grinch - the former Grinch, who eschewed the commercialism of the holiday, and the latter reformed Grinch, who realized something deeper existed beyond all the STUFF.

Somehow I don't think all those folks on their knees thanking god Oprah for their new Kitchenaid mixers would be squealing over her donating all of the money those gifts represent to, perhaps, a women's shelter or the homeless or a children's hospital - to someone who knew how to count their blessings and was thankful just to be alive this holiday season?

I wonder.... does the O's Guide to Life include tips on how to be the richest woman in the world and make yourself look selfless by giving out a bunch of stuff you get a tax write off for?

So bah-freakin'-humbug. Oprah's Favorite PBBBBBBBBBBT! Whatever. Let's all take a lesson from the Grinch. Strip away all the stuff and find out what's underneath. Because that's the only thing that really matters, during the holidays or any other time of year.